I miss this place, I do think about it. Inspired to write tapi it will soUnd merepek and sgt disorganized.

Stress dengannya. Rasa nak nangis. 

As a distraction, let me update about the kids lah haaa... My boy is progressing great in achool. He reads well, even teachers have remarked that. He's got many friends and he's the only child (of mine) yang tak kena buli or pau duit. The cutest thing, at least to me it is, that he refuses to bawak selain dari duit seringgit2. Once or twice He gets RM5 seketul from Tok Baba, he will decline and asks for the blue notes. Senang, kan?

My Ulfa does me proud this year. She is number two in class for sekolah agama. Alhamdulillah. I feel she is more terang hati and senang terima ilmu, cepat serap. Like Umar, you can't teach him benda yg sama ulang2. It'd just annoy him. With Ulfa, she listens and understands fast.

Umaira is very much like me when I was younger, much younger. Ala Umar, can't teach ulang2, terus block and tak masuk kepala. And you can see her face berubah, like ada a shield just covers her face as you try again and again to make her understand. But you will be surprised when she sits with adik2 to revise their homework. She will be the one teaching them how to do and get answers. 

And little Khaira is not so little anymore... Time flies and she's one year and four months today. Have yet to start walking  but she sponges quirky things faaaaassstt. I taught her to make hidung busuk dua kali, terus dapat! Well, I also merepek la kan ajar benda membadutkan je...

My fifth would have been a month old right now. I miss her/him dearly...

Off to bed. Esok Friday, syukurrrr!!!

This is in our album. I suspect the little girl took this in the car. Bertuah!,

Dah masuk 2nd December. 29 days to a new year. My only son will enter primary school. Eldest kakak will be in primary four, second daughter in primary two. Come Jan 15th, Khaira turns one.

People say time flies, I say it jets away these days.

It's half hour past midnight now. Soon, the girls will start their mengaji classes and Umar continues with kindy till mid month. They're super excited to seeing friends again. Bagus jugak, drpd duduk langut kat rumah. 

And while they r in school, I have an appointment with the gynae and all I can say right now, I hope all is fine.

Selamat malam...

This is really how I feel...

When u ask me how i'm doing, terkelu lidah nak balas "i'm okay..." Coz the truth is, I am not. 

And I can not help u feel better by saying "i'm okay", coz really, I am not.

Being strong is hard and it gets tiring.

Losing a child is the worst experience ever.

I miss u my child. 

Habis dah antibiotics. 

Time flies...

"Kesian baby Mummy"

Allah pinjamkan dia for almost 4 months ikut mummy ke mana2, to work, to events, interviews, redah jam, masuk meeting, lepek tengok Mr Arrogant...

Baby was confirmed without heartbeat on my birthday. I was devastated then. And semalam selesai sudah proses forced labour, melahirkan dgn penuh drama (didnt even make it to the labour room), dnc di bawah paras sedar (love and hate u ubat bius!)... Dan lepas Asar and just before the rain, suami selamat kebumikan our lifeless child whose sex cant be determined coz he/she was too small.

Alhamdulillah for suami, mama, papa, sisters, family and friends who were always there supporting me.

Love you so much my child. Doakan Mummy and Daddy dapat berjumpa denganmu di Jannah. Amin.

Something of a continuation from the last post. Something to do about my "protectiveness" over my children. Mak lah katakan.

I have listened to so much not-so-nice stuff about being pregnant/having children (more than 3 that is) etc. ayat2 mcm "suburnya depa tu..." bunyi spt positif tapi nadanya ada kala berbau sindir. All these taken with a pinch of salt but tidaklah menyakitkan hati, jika dibandingkan dgn satu peristiwa yg cukup mengguris perasaan.

I realize in the past week, ada org boleh cakap sesuatu yg hmmmm... How do we categorize this? To me agak kejam. Apatah lagi dtg dari yg ada pertalian darah. 

Berbangga dengan pencapaian anak memang sesuatu yg lumrah bagi mereka bergelar parents. Kita pun tumpang happy... Why not. Such inspiration! But there is a huge difference between bragging/show off to spite a person and talking like a proud parent. You can surely tell. 

I tumpang bangga your kid collects so much medals that you have to find boxes to keep them. Tapi perlu ke bersindir seakan2 org lain tak mampu hasilkan anak berkualiti? Motip??

But I am more proud that I have four gold medals given by Allah, tak perlu nak risau depa berhabuk pun. And every single day they have shown me so many achievements that I wont be able to write or tell others about because saya tak larat nak tulis lah!

For all that, saya amat bersyukur. Alhamdulillah...

Insyaallah another gold medal in april 2014. Woohoooo!

Ceritanya begini...

My nenek has 13 children. I have three siblings. My father is the youngest child of five. My tok ngah has 8 kids. A cousin of mine has five children. The other raised four. I have an aunt who's got four kids.

I am pregnant with my fifth. Reactions I get so far: "you are WHAT?!" "Alhamdulillah" "Tahniah" "Bukan baru dapat baby ke?" "Are you crazy?"

Which are the ones that amuses me?

Needless to say, I'm very protective/defensive over this one.

And I have so much love to give to each of my child. Syukur dgn kurniaan ini.